Hillary Clinton may have angered a crucial voting
group today when she said these words. “Sometimes, in the morning I just have
toast.” The voting bloc known as human beings who enjoy eating eggs in the morning
is crucial to her chances for winning the nomination and then the presidency.
Some of the comments on facebook and Twitter indicated
that the egg constituency was less than enthusiastic after the statement.
Mike from Red Dog Idaho said this, “It shows a deep
insensitivity and really a lack of caring for the breakfast choices of others.
I’m going to have to rethink my decision to support Clinton.
Karl Rove released a statement that “Clinton’s
statement was deeply troubling, Eggs, God, Apple Pie ,Benghazi, Benghazi,
Benghazi…”
Bernie Sanders immediately released a statement
asserting his lifelong love of eggs with a photo of him at twenty holding a
protest sign in one hand and a platter of fried eggs in the other. He then did
a dance routine while singing the lyrics to The Incredible Edible Egg.
Fox News put together a panel to discuss how badly
this gaffe is going to affect Clinton’s support. Megyn Kelly and Bill O’Reilly
revealed a flash study done within moments of the statement which seemed to
show Clinton’s lead had slipped dramatically in Vermont and New Hampshire. The
study showed favorite son candidate Bernie Sanders is now be within 9 points, (DOWN
FROM 10!) of Clinton in the egg rich
neighboring states.
Religious fundamentalists quoted a little know passage
from Lewitacuss, Lewitacuss 666 which reads “No ‘one may eat of the flesh of
sliced bread that has been held over a brazier until crisp and then slathered
in butter and jam.”
The Westboro Baptist Church will picket Clinton’s
appearance in Topeka on August 1st of this year. They released a
statement that read “Revelations clearly states that a woman who colors her
hair using dyes and eats of the fruit of sliced bread that has been held over a
brazier until crisp and then slathered with butter and jam is the Anti-Egg and
will bring on the end of days and the rapture”
The Clinton campaign then hastily released the
following statement. “Hillary eats a diverse range of breakfast choices by no
means limited to sliced bread that has been held over a brazier until crisp and
then slathered with butter and jam. Secretary Clinton finds Eggs, bacon,
sausage, pancakes, rolls, fresh fruit, crepes and many other breakfast choices
tasty and delicious. She then recounted a story that her mother had told
her. “Hillary, she said, always respect
every fruit and veggie in the garden. All produce matters!”
Just in- Members of the various produce groups are
reacting negatively to Clintons recent statement that All Produce Matters.
Rutabaga Soldidarity Coalition, Hearts of Celery,
Brussel Sprout Revolution and Turnip Struggles were incensed and released a
joint statement that read as follows. “With these three words, “All Produce
Matters,” Hillary Clinton has shattered any trust she may have been building with
Vegetables in Coalition. We are shocked and outraged at the insensitivity
displayed here.”
The Clinton Campaign released the following statement
in response, “Bliddy blurp blurpy Nibby nobby Nerpy, Louie Lou-I ,
Inagaddadavida, shimmy shimmy coco bop, Naaaayaa, naiiiya gagah gaggaggahh ummeeee. Gitchi gitchi ya a da da, a
wimba wep, a wimba wep…..
Fox News promptly denounced
the statement as just another Clinton attempt to pander to her radical far left
base.
Far left pundits
promptly denounced the statement as just another Clinton attempt to pander to
her Centrist Wall Street Corporatist masters
